éjszárny zöldi ( bán andrás ) - félálom

A semmibe szakadt a világok határainál.
-létezem?valónan létezem,istenem?
A szél susogása volt,vagy talán egy távoli sóhaj.álmok tükrében gyöngyöztek halkan a szavak.talán hangok egy másik világból
-létezem?miért én?miért én nem alszom?
Csend:hangtalan osontam a fény barázdáiban.
-ne szólj.az álmokban szavak sem kellenek.mond másképp…érezd a gondolat lassú csapongását.tudd amit tanítani akartál.tudd a csenddel a végtelennel…
…nincs miért a valóság csak létezik.egyirányún az illúziók útvesztoi mögött.
…nézd a csendet és láss az emlékezeteddel.még…valahol itt kezdodik a mélyben…emlékezz az álmaidra.test nélkül lebegtél
nem a hangom volt.több annál.más.mesélte.csak úgy.mert jó volt elmondani megszabadulva a szavak koloncától
-a test még emlék sem volt.tudtam h nincs mégis észre sem vettem.csak tudat voltam.öntudatlanul csak az.örvénylenek az álmok és én már nem tudom mikor vagyok ébren.talán sohasem voltam még csak készülodtem még mint anyaméhben az alvó születés.és talán álmomban elabordál engem is a halál.süllyedo háló az akarat homlokán.belefelteni mindent csendbe.

Lehunyt szemmel tartom a hajnal cserepeit.értelmetlen zajban oröl a fáradtság.hangok,árkok a tudat repedésein.valami boldog képzelet a múltbó.jön.üvölt és eltunik a mábol.csak seb marad.vér szivárog.haldoklik a béke.víz.hegyekben és tornyokban valami elemi ero csavarja a tudat szálait.segíts

-segíts

a szavak elvesznek az ereszkedo csendben.kín szitál kint és bent.köd.emlékekm ahogy lenni kellett volna.lasú mozdulatok egy talaj nélküli világban.
Lebegés?
Nem.valami furcsa lét a határokon túlról.játék.ahogyan elfajul és vérré válik.
Keresem a megfoghatatlant.mikor ha nincs már idó.értelmét veszti az ébrenlét.talán álmodnom kéne

 

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éjszárny-hírlevél

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...és egy részlet Kerouac Útonjából, csak mert szeretem, és talán mást is eltalál: "Azért mikor kinn ülök a folyó lerobbant rakodópartján napnyugtával, és az ég New Jerseynek nyúló sávját figyelem, és elgondolom, hogy az éggel egyközûen épp ilyen hosszü sáv föld ível a nyugati partig, és a földön út vonul, és az út hossza az álma mindenkinek, és lowában, tudom, a gyerekek ilyenkor sírnak, mert ott nem bánják, ha sír a gyerek, azért ne sírjatok, mondom innen, mert a csillagok feljönnek mindjárt, és nem tudjátok, hogy az Isten Micimackó? az ég pedig odébb a prérire hajlik, és hullajtja rá diadémjait, mikor alig tûzte még a fekete éjszakára, a föld áldására, a folyók csendesítésére, csúcsok sipkájául, és elrejti benne a végsõ part titkát, hogy senki ne tudja, mi lesz, csak az öregedés foszló ruháit tudja..." (Jack Kerouac: Úton)

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