csak kérdés...

lehetne ez egy levél is, talán azért nem az, mert nem akarom rád erõltetni a gondolataimat, ha idejöttél, talán érdekel, és ezért olvasod el. nem akarok beléd magyarázni semmit, csak szeretném ha magadba néznél, és elgondolkodnál a saját érzéseiden. 
játsszuk azt, hogy minden elõítéletet, félelmet, görcsöt és menekülhetnéket leteszünk néhány percre, és megnézzük mi alapján, miért ítélünk és elítélünk, vagy miért mondunk nemet, ha belül annyira érezzük, hogy igent kellene mondani, semmi mást.  nem válaszolni akarok. kérdezni akarok, hogy elgondolkodj a válaszokon. hogy ne sértõdj, hogy ne zárkózz be, hogy ne szégyenkezz, és ne félj még magad elõtt sem, még magadtól sem. van ott belül valahol az a hang, vagy érzés, ami annyira tudja mi lenne az igazi válasz, hát tedd le az illúziókat, tedd fel a kérdéseket, és csak várj, amíg el nem múlik a dac, amíg elhalványulnak a félelmek, és nem kiagyalni akarod, hanem  érzed a választ.
akkor már nincs semmi baj, nem futsz el, hiszen az ember a saját félelmei elõl nem futhat el… de megoszthatja azzal, akiben igazán bízhat, és ettõl akár múlhatnak is már…
nem tudom mitõl férfi valaki, csak azt tudom, amit én gondolok errõl. én azt hiszem a férfi tudja mit tud, nem kételkedik magában, mert így képes megvalósítani azt, ami egy férfi dolga: mindent megtenni a párjáért, és ha kell feladni magát azért a nõért, akit szeret.
az a férfi, aki a legtöbb nõt dugja meg, vagy az, aki ha megtalálja azt akiben meglátja a Nõt, mindig erõs marad, hogy többinek nemet mondjon?
az a férfi, aki folyamatosan nyalja magát, hogy mindenáron divatból jól nézzen ki, akinek kocsi, vagy ékszer kell, hogy észrevegyék, aki addig gyúr, amíg meg nem gyõzi magát hogy már komolyan veszik ránézésre , vagy az, aki tudja, hogy önmagáért is szerethetik, akinek az a fontos, hogy annak tetsszen aki szereti õt?
ki a férfi?  az akinek újra meg újra új nõk kellenek, hogy igazolja magát, vagy az, akinek nincs szüksége hódításokra, hogy önbizalma legyen, aki egyetlen nõ bizalmát és szeretetét akarja megtartani, mert számára nincs nagyobb dicséret annál, hogy az a nõ szereti, akit a legcsodálatosabbnak tart?
az az erõs, aki oktalanul agresszív, mert annyira retteg attól, hogy ha nem õ a leghangosabb megtámadják?
az a férfi és az az erõs, aki üvölt akármi van, aki képes megütni egy nõt csak hogy igaza legyen, és az a gyenge, aki erõt vesz magán, aki legyûri a sértettségét vagy haragját  és üvöltés helyett megpróbálja megtalálni a problémát és megoldani?
az a férfi, aki rádüvölt, hogy hozz kaját és csináld ezt vagy azt, és az a gyenge, aki ha fáradt is, eszébe jut, hogy te is fáradt lehetsz, és nem restell neked vacsorát csinálni, mert talán neked is jól esik?
az a férfi, aki rádmászik, kielégíti magát és elfordul, az pedig gyenge, aki úgy szeret, hogy a szerelemben is az az elsõ, hogy téged boldoggá tegyen, …aztán ölel, hogy érezd, veled van, és mert szeret veled lenni?
az a férfi aki bármikor otthagy magadra a problémáiddal, vagy az, akinek mindig van ereje, hogy meghallgasson, és mindig próbál ott lenni ha segíteni kell?
 az a szabadság, ha valaki leszarja mi van veled, és annyi hülyeséget  csinálsz amennyit csak akarsz kétségbeesésedben, vagy az, ha törõdik veled, és ebben a biztonságban megvalósíthatod azokat a  vágyaidat amiket mindig el kellett fojtanod?
mi a fontos egy kapcsolatban? mitõl lesz jó?
számít, hogy úgy nézzen rád, hogy érzed gyönyörûnek lát, mégha épp most ébredtél is kócosan, mert magadért csodál? számít, hogy érezze, te hogy nézel rá? kell, hogy öntudatlanul is jó érzéssel simulj hozzá? számít, hogy ha szeretkezel vele elszédülj az örömtõl és felszabadulj? fontos, hogy meg tudjon mosolyogtatni, ha rossz napod is van? hogy akarja újra és újra kis meglepetésekkel, vagy simogatásnyi kedvességgel szebbé tenni az életed? számít, hogy örüljön és megkívánjon ha megkívánod? hogy ne csak azt szeresse, hogy ránézésre szép vagy, hanem szeressen a szépségedért és azért a belsõ szépségért, ami a lelkedben él?  számít, hogy tudjon veled játszani, vízben, ágyban, egymásra mosolyogva? számít, hogy szeressen azért mert intelligens vagy, és tudja értékelni a gondolataidat? számít, hogy még annak is örüljön, ha féltékeny vagy, mert tudja tiszta a lelkiismerete, és ebbõl is csak az látja, hogy nem akarod elveszíteni és szereted? kell, hogy észrevegye ha bánt valami? hogy vígasztaljon vagy segítsen megoldani amit nehéz? kell hogy úgy öleljen, hogy érezd, soha nem akar mást ölelni? számít, hogy fel tudsz oldódni az ölelésében? számít, hogy az ujjai, csak a te gödröcskéidet szeretik? hogy úgy csókoljon, hogy újjászüless, kívánd és  felsóhajts? számít, hogy érezd, mindig bízhatsz benne és számíthatsz rá? hogy jó neki mesélni, mert figyel rád, vagy folytatja a verset, amit elkezdesz?  számít, ha még a hisztidet is szereti?  ha újra és újra megcsodál?  ha törõdik veled, mert igazán fontos vagy neki? ha tisztel? ha nõnek érzed magad mellete? ha képes vagy vele elképzelni bármit, amire vágysz? ha te vagy az egyetlen, akivel álmodik? ha te vagy akiben mindent és akivel mindent tud látni?
éreztél ilyet? és ha igen, és mindez megvan, mi kellhet még? miért kellenek újra ugyanazok a hibák?
nem jó egy hang, aki feltenné ezeket a kérdéseket, mikor egyik félelembõl a másikba esve a szakadék felé indulsz, hogy megállítson, mielõtt lezuhannál ?
mennyi kérdés lehetne még…
tényleg azt gondolod, hogy az aki átölel és úgy szeret ahogy soha senki, az nem bocsájtott meg már régen mindent és nem bízik benned?
vadidegenek elismerése kell pusztán külsõ miatt, hogy érezd vagy valaki? nem attól lehet igazán önbizalmad, hogy valaki igazán megtesz érted mindent és teljesen szeret, mert ismer, mert tudja, hogy  csodálatos vagy?
(en vegiggondoltam annyiszor már. tudom miért vagyok férfi és mitõl vagy te Nõ.
attól vagyok férfi, aki és ahogyan vagyok, és nincs szükségem a külsõségekre, mert tudom, hogy boldoggá tudlak tenni és meg tudlak védeni ha kell, attól vagyok férfi,  ahogyan téged szeretlek, és attól vagyok férfi ahogyan te rám nézel.  és örülnék, ha megkérdeznéd, miért látlak téged igazi és az igazi nõnek.)
melyik hang az igazi? kinek lehet önbizalma? ki az igazi nõ? ki az erõs? ki a férfi? mi a béke? mi a szerelem? mi a boldogság?
ne akard megmagyarázni, csak hagyd válaszolni magad, magadnak. ...

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Something about each individual attracted the additional one and led to enjoy.
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You don't need with regard to wary of attending events where he may also generally be.
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éjszárny-hírlevél

itt tudsz feliratkozni a hírlevélre, nem spam, mindössze a lényeges dolgokról értesítelek rendszertelenül és ritkán (pl letölthető új zene, írás stb)

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tisztelt látogató,

ezúton szeretnélek megkérni,hogy ha tetszik amit itt találtál,és van rá lehetőséged,akkor támogasd az oldal működését,tetszőleges pénzadománnyal illetve megosztással.ez sokat segítene abban, hogy az oldal továbbra is tudjon működni,és minél több írás, kép, zene születhessen.ha nem tudod, az sem gond, amíg az oldal működik, továbbra is ingyenes marad.

a támogatási lehetőségeket IDE KATTINTVA tudod megtekinteni.

köszönettel,

éjszárny

 

...és egy részlet Kerouac Útonjából, csak mert szeretem, és talán mást is eltalál: "Azért mikor kinn ülök a folyó lerobbant rakodópartján napnyugtával, és az ég New Jerseynek nyúló sávját figyelem, és elgondolom, hogy az éggel egyközûen épp ilyen hosszü sáv föld ível a nyugati partig, és a földön út vonul, és az út hossza az álma mindenkinek, és lowában, tudom, a gyerekek ilyenkor sírnak, mert ott nem bánják, ha sír a gyerek, azért ne sírjatok, mondom innen, mert a csillagok feljönnek mindjárt, és nem tudjátok, hogy az Isten Micimackó? az ég pedig odébb a prérire hajlik, és hullajtja rá diadémjait, mikor alig tûzte még a fekete éjszakára, a föld áldására, a folyók csendesítésére, csúcsok sipkájául, és elrejti benne a végsõ part titkát, hogy senki ne tudja, mi lesz, csak az öregedés foszló ruháit tudja..." (Jack Kerouac: Úton)

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